I am incredibly proud of this photograph. I am fully aware that it isn’t necessarily obvious why this might be. Teetering over the edge, 1168 feet above the ground at the CN Tower, this is an opportunity that is open to the general public. You just have to weigh more than 34kg, be over the age of 13 and have $195 CAD and you too can be there. This isn’t a secret adventure or one that you have to qualify for so why should I be proud?
The answer is simply that during the 30 minutes in which the CN EdgeWalk took place, I finally conquered a 30+ year long fear of heights. A fear that had always been beside me and sometimes took over me was gone, and it is so exciting to say that. As I stood on the edge of the 5 foot metal grid that was my ‘ground’ and lent back, putting all of my trust in two very important ropes, I felt nothing... and that was the best feeling in the world.
I have always been an adventurer and, as you know from this blog, I like to get the best experience out of every trip that I go on. Therefore in the past I have thrown myself in to activities that are at height because I want to do them. Sitting on the glass floor of the Willis Tower observation deck in Chicago, and leaping 75 feet in to the dark for a free fall end to Go Below in Snowdonia are two examples of experiences that show how much I want to complete these adventures but how my fear affected me. Sweating palms, heart racing, head spinning, shaking and nervous laughing were all traits I used to exhibit when the nerves kicked in. On the glass floor in Chicago, I got on to it but started shaking whilst the photo was being taken. Imagining the worst things that could happen in those few seconds as I sat on an incredibly safe and dense glass floor. Harnessed up on Go Below, I was constantly latched on to the intricate series of ropes that we followed as we explored the mines but as we traversed caves approximately 5 stories above the nearest ground, my head would often spin and my concentration would become cloudy. Making silly decisions about where to put my feet and then giggling instead of concentrating to get myself out of the situation. I was never in danger but I knew in my own mind that this was the fear that was making me feel and react in this way. My reactions were not always obvious to the those around me, my wonderful travel companion could always tell when I was starting to react, but that is because he knows me and that these actions were not normal for me. I always managed to persevere and always completed every adventure feeling proud for my efforts, but with that feeling came tiredness and discomfort as I recovered from the fear. I usually had a mild headache for the rest of the day as a minimum.
In the summer of 2018, I made the decision to conquer the fear for good. I had given it a good go at not letting it overcome me but I needed to stop it affecting me altogether. I had seen the EdgeWalk advertised 2 or 3 years before and I knew that when I visited Toronto, I would definitely want to do that. Planning to visit Ontario triggered me to take action. After reading many articles about long term solutions, I sought out a hypnotherapist and completed two one hour sessions with her. This photo is the result. I know that hypnotherapy is not something that everyone will believe in and I too was a little sceptical. I didn’t think I would be the sort of person who could be put under and was surprised at how quickly and deeply I fell. I fully understand that science does not support it and I do firmly believe that I was 80% of the way towards conquering my fear by continually seeking out the challenges and persevering. Wanting to make the change was a huge step and I was in the right frame of mind going in. I can only say that from my experience hypnotherapy worked to conquer that final 20% of my fear and let me enjoy experiences at height. Stepping out on to the see-through metal grid and feeling no change to how I felt two minutes before on the solid ground was amazing. Breathing in the cool air and looking out to the horizon, I simply enjoyed the moment. I was listening to all of the instructions from our fabulous guide and calmly followed them. My palms were dry and my hands were still. The biggest change that I noticed was my clear head, no cloudiness and no headache. That alone made me enjoy the experience far more than I had ever hoped. I still had a thrill when I leaned back to take this photo but it was proportionate and that was so exciting.
The EdgeWalk, I would recommend to anyone. All of the crew who take care of you from the kitting up to the walk are welcoming and energetic. Their enthusiasm for their job and working in this incredible landmark is clear. Peppers, our guide, was so funny. Having completed over 1000 walks, she was an absolute professional who really made the experience. Guiding us thoroughly in how to use the ropes to lean over the edge safely and for maximum effect. Toes over Toronto and Heels over Toronto became the little catchphrases as we walked along. Stopping regularly to give us a birds eye tour of the city, with fun facts, giving us four opportunities to lean over the edge and taking so many awesome photographs of us, the 30 minutes absolutely flew by and we were heading back inside once again. A lap of the CN tower complete, we took the glass elevator back to he ground... but after hanging off the side of the building that really had lost its USP.
For the best views of Toronto, you definitely have to conquer the EdgeWalk.
